We're all singled by our desires
that love can fix but life builds walls.

I always try for people thinking "no, this time it's going to be different"
but it never is.

The things I would do for a slice of greasy cheese pizza right now would not be pretty, no not at all.

I miss my childhood when the only thing I knew how to do on the computer was play this shit:

i want to purchase a pair of heart sunglasses for the summer.

Hello fellow readers that I don't know.
Why are you reading this if you don't know me?
Though I'm glad I can provide entertainment to people with nothing better to do than read the shit I post.

My life rules harder than yours does, creepers.

best thing of my entire life

Michael: The “Spicy Curry Award” goes to our very own Kelly Kapour. Get on down here!

Kelly: Spicy curry? What’s that mean?

Michael: Not everything means something, it’s just a joke.

Kelly: Yeah, but why did you give it to me? [looks at trophy] This is a bowler…

Michael: I know, they didn’t have anymore businessmen.

Things I really disliked about the past few days / this weekended:
Knowing my manager from the Mcdonalds I just left is going to find out I had a huge crush on him the entire time I worked there.
Fighting with Patrick Keefe over msn.
Having people I met once write in my formspring asking stupid shit.
Public displays of PDA on my part in front of everyone at a party.

Things I liked:
Keggers.
Cuddling with cute boys.
Bacon.
Flip cup.
Basement raves.
Chantel.
Campfires.
Pretending to be lesbians with Chantel.
Cheese and crackers.
Mcdonalds. and eating unessesary amounts of it.
Chatroulette while drunk and meeting cute boys on there.
Clayton's stripper story.
Going to my job drunk at 6 am to say bye to the people that work in the morning.
Falling asleep watching Hercules.
Getting free beer from a busted kegger.
Pulling a drunk all nighter with Chantel.

SUCH A GOOD WEEKEND. MY LIFE RULES.
The good things definitely outweigh the bad so everyone can suck my dick.

talking to chantel makes my life so much better

Me
yeah. well shit most complicated, fucked up relationship of this year award goes to helga and patrick (NOT PJ GUYS FOR WHOEVER IS CREEPING THIS SHIT)

Chantel
hahahah
so true
i think james and i come close
but you still win

Me
yeah, why does life bless me so much?

Chantel
LOL
god loves you

Me
he shows his love in mysterious ways

Chantel
maybe he'll bless you with a hot boy this summer

Me
yeah then take him away right after i get him, story of my existence

Chantel
awh
i want street meat

Me
i want to not have the taste of rum in my mouth

Chantel
"WE NEED TO FINISH THIS"

I'm back on fucking track.
Thank god.

Don't you ever just want to be the person calling all the shots, like you could walk into someones life, fuck shit up and walk out of it?
Not giving two shits about anything.
Just because you know you have the power to do it.
Just because someone did that to you.

I WANT TO BE THAT PERSON.

EVERYONE GO ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT PJ IN FORMSPRING, I KNOW YOU GUIZEEE ARE SO INTERESTED.

WHY THE FUCK IS SOMEONE SO OBSESSED WITH THE FACT THAT SHIT WENT ON WITH US?
YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE.
YOU'RE CLEARLY IN LOVE WITH HIM, STAY AWAY FROM MY AFFAIRS.

My night last night was super sloppy.
Started drinking gin at around 8 with Chantel.
Went up to Connor's room to drink with more people.
Went to the pub and had a beer chugging contest with Kristyn.
Had life chats in the bathroom stall and drank more with Kristyn.
Smoked cigarettes that used to be wet but they had dried out and were flat and weird.
Had the longest pep talk from Kristyn and Sam telling me to make a move on a guy I thought was hot.
Ended up doing it but in reality I just ended up telling him I thought he was hot.
Got Martin to give me a free beer.
I don't remember a lot after this.
Went to visit Chantel in her room.
Sent my favorite text of the night to Chantel saying "i may or may not have set off some alarm. i might have gone through some door i shouldn't have"
Meaning I left rez through an emergency exit, I have no clue why.
When I left the pub I had a cigarette behind my ear, it wasn't there when I got back to my room....
Went back to my room and fell off my bed. Hit my head really hard on my closet.
YAY, score one for team closet door.

Bearded men and lambs, two of my favorite things in one picture and thus I am in love.

this was written on a blog from august of last year and i just read the comment now. haha i broke your shit and i still don't care. if i see you this summer at work i'm going to push you down the drive thru stairs.
joking, fuck but i hate this kid so much.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I'm so glad you have no respect for peoples belongings. Way to go hot shit thats like me saying; Hey wheres your dead grandmothers grave so I can go take a massive shit on it. I don't care why would I? Shes not MY dead gandmother. That picture is an important part of our family history. Not to mention it was actually My GREAT uncle who painted it. Kudos to you though for being so fucking awesome at life.
October 23, 2009 7:32 PM
Helga said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
I JUST READ THIS NOW.
HAHAHA I WISH I KNEW THIS EXISTED BEFORE SO I COULD HAVE LAUGHED AT AN EARLIER DATE.
April 21, 2010 3:46 AM

I love Chantel Bound and our drunken shenanigans.

I've had the best month hanging out with my single lady !!

I'm so much happier then I was a year ago. I was reading my old blog entries and I can't even believe how sad I always was.

I'm a lot happier with myself right now than I was last year, I feel really great about the way I look and just super awesome in general. I love how much I've grown into a stronger, more mature person.

I have a bunch of super amazing people in my life and a great summer ahead and I am beyond lucky.

now there's nothing left to do to draw your eyes

Who's that girl that you dream of?
Who's that girl that you think you love?
Who's that girl? Well, I'm nothing like her
I know there's no such girl
I swear I can't take the pressure
Who's that girl?

This will never end
Cause I want more
More, give me more, give me more

If I had a heart I could love you
If I had a voice I would sing
After the night when I wake up
I'll see what tomorrow brings

i have no strength left to try for certain people anymore
and this isn't just about the obvious people.
there are people i care a shitload about but they don't really give enough of a shit to care back, it kinda sucks.

i'm going downtown by myself, bye.

last niiiight

went to woodsview with the gang for a ceos and office hoes party, didn't wanna pay 5 bucks so we didn't go for a little and chilled in a house across the street.
finally got into the party for free.
hung out in the garage for a bit with chantel and watched lame beer pong matches.
went back to the first house.
went to shady glen.
went in front of a campfire again which i hate myself for. I HATE SMELLING LIKE CAMPFIRE.
the house i went to makes me so fucking anxious but i was there with clayton so it wasn't that bad.
everyone was on mdma except for me, clayton and my friend patrick.
hung out with one of the girls that lived there in the basement which made my stomach turn because i hate that basement :(
chilled in a corner and had more stupid anxiety. weee.
went back to rez.
got a text from chantel telling me to go back to the 1st house on woodsview.
hauled my drunk ass back there + i'm so proud of me finding my way by myself at 3 am.
stayed there for a bit.
went back to rez.
fell off a bench in rez in front of everyone, i don't even know how that happens.
fought with a stupid tattooed guy we were hanging out with all night.
he was acting like such a pussy so drunk me and chantel called him out on it.
don't fuck with us.
got back to my room at 6 am, sat in front of my fridge and ate most of it's contents.
fatso.
got some of the best hugs during the night from several people.
i love drunk hugs with my entire being.
fin.

The fact that the last three five blogs I've written are so short and emo bothers me.
I have to stop being so down but it comes and goes and when it comes I blog about it.
Don't judge.

Every time I'm sad I listen to one of your songs.
I'm so fucking creepy but it's so catchy.

One of the only thoughts that gets me by sometimes is
"things could be worse"

Lately I feel really
HDFBEUGHFRVBHUFJDSDKCSUF45HUTCYV7583CTJIFOMDT,RIGOX4VT3ERXVMI
to say the least.

But sometimes I'm happy.

You are familiar in ways that I'm looking for

I'm the pacifist sitting around, waiting for life to pass me by because I knew it would happen all along.

This is what happens when I'm left all alone in my room with nothing but my fucked up thoughts and my computer.

This is the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life, ever but then again I like to over exaggerate.
Love Helga forever and ever.
I swear I'm sober.

I've been laying in bed all day only to get up to eat weetabix cereal dry over my garbage can because they are too crumbly to eat anywhere else.
I have a 7 page paper due tomorrow.
Haven't started. Apparently beating 7/8 gym leaders in pokemon was more important. NBD.
I need real food but leaving my room is never happening.
Oh and my room smells like death by campfire.

omnomnom dry weetabix, not.

So this weekend it was my 20th birthday. I'm old.
On Friday, the day before my birthday 2 of my best friends from back home came to visit and we drank in Chantel's room all night with a bunch of people I usually hang out with.
My goal for my birthday was to stay drunk for the entire day of my birthday which I did accomplish :D Actually I stayed drunk for 24 hours, I'm gross.
Cracked a beer at 7 am on my 20th, just living the life. You know.
So basically my day went like:
drank, napped, drank, went to eat at McDonalds, danced drunk by myself in my room, ate nachos.
Got ready for flip cup, puked, thought about puking more for the next hour, played and lost flip cup on our first game.
Hung out pretty much all night with Patrick, stopped feeling pukey, hung out with friends at a party, drank beers extremely slowly.
Held the bathroom door shut while peeing with Chantel because it was broken, watched Chantel funnel unknown liquids, Chantel in general made my night.
Later on ended up going to a house of a boy I used to like but he didn't live there anymore, only his roommates did( it's so weird that everyone at that house knows me and shit), cuddled in front of a campfire in the backyard.
Got cuddles in general which ruled, had mad drunken chats with Chantel on her kitchen floor till 4 am.
Such a solid weekend, I could not have asked for anything better.
I'm super ecstatic that nothing bad happened.
BEST WEEKEND OF 2010 BY FAR.
:D
just loving my life the day of my 20th, keeping it classy and whatnot
best friends
flip cup party and such :)

todayyyyyy

I'm so happy I have a ton of amazing people in my life.
Best birthday ever. :)

One of my photography teachers told me that I'm really talented and I should continue doing personal photography.
She said students like me are the reason she started teaching and she wants to sit down and talk to me about my work.
I am beyond flattered but I think she's mistaken me for someone else. :P
Haha.
I feel like most of my good photographs are a fluke.
My last assignment mark:

Who wants to do this with me?

Peeps can be eaten after being heated in a microwave. This is often done in conjunction with "Peep Jousting", a game in which two Peeps are placed in the microwave with toothpicks stuck in them. The Peeps expand in the microwave, the player whose Peep pierces the other Peep gets the honor of eating both hot and gooey Peeps.

But we like it when we're spinning

But we like it when we're spinning, originally uploaded by Helga Napolitano.

Newest shot I'm using for my human figure final.
First nude self portrait I've done and I really like the way it turned out other than the fact that I look like a fatty. Cool rolls Helga.

I GET SO FRUSTRATED WITH MY OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS.
I'M GOING CRAZY.
I NEED SOMETHING NEW TO OBSESS ABOUT.

Tomorrow I will be shooting my practical exam for photography among other things such as my portfolio.
Thursday I'll be shooting more for my portfolio and finishing it up.
Friday is the day before my birthday so Pat, Katie, Cait, and Aurora are coming up I hope. I'm praying I'll survive the night haha.
Saturday I'm staying drunk from the time I get up until the flip cup tournament at 4 pm + it's my 20th birthday. Woo.
I guess I failed at my goal of losing my virginity before 20. I have such shitty goals / a shitty time completing them.
My god, some parts of my life are so sad.
Bye bye teenage years in 3 days.

This postsecret makes me incredibly sad.

I'm fasting for 40 hours to detox my body.
I started this morning at 8 am and will stop on April 7th at 12am.

Wish me luck !

no i will not b third wheel

Me & Chantel's texts from last night:

Me: dont mean to be a creep but your conversation with pj is the only intelligent conversation of tonight.fuck
the conversation near me has made me wanna kill myself. fuckmalife
Chantel: Plz don't kill yourself
Me: ded naow
why is she telling me to go to bed?? its so demanding
Chantel: Apparently she wants you to go to bed
Me: why?
Chantel: I don't know
Me: should i come innnn?
Chantel: If you want
Me: if you want me to
Chantel: Its up to you...
R u dead?
Me: no
Chantel: I miss you
Me: miss u 2
Chantel: Do you miss me?
Me: yes
Chantel: Yayyyy! When do you wanna leav
Me: whenever u want
Chantel: I set my alarm for 11. Is that cool?
Comne hang on the floor int he lviing roomnw with us
Me: um us there someone there thsts.not.goingvto mskr it lirlke im the third wheelqm
if i just sent you a rly misspelt txt sry
Chantel: Well its me and pj
Me: no i will not b third wheel
Chantel: okay you're lame
We can hear you
Come cuddle me
Me: dick in yo mouth? / pussay on ya sideburns?
Chantel: Ahhahahahahahaha best

Me one year ago

me now

my new favorite hobbies include:
waking up drunk
giving away my alcohol when i'm drunk
waking up beside empty 26ers instead of cute boys
being an alcoholic
eating microwavable things

my life rules