Build it up

tear it down

there is nothing left to say



Should we go?

should we wait?

no one wants to waste away



Let me in

get me out

either way it has to be



We can't stay

to fade away

the end is not a means for me



Is it over

maybe where already there?

Take it over

maybe were already dead?



I won't look inside no more

I wont wait for comfort signs

I wont listen for the call

I know the answer is too clear



Honest fears

honest doubts

but nothing ever changes



Its nice to talk

nice to smile

that will be the end of us



Is it over

maybe where already there?

Take it over

maybe were already dead?



I won't look inside no more

I wont wait for comfort signs

I wont listen for the call

Tonight was more fucked up than a normal Friday night on residence should be.
Can I please have one fucking night when no drama happens? PLEASE!!!!????
People should have talked to me in a sober state when they had a problem to talk to me about instead of letting it build up until they decided to drink, then confronting me.
I don't like feeling intimidated or threatened by the people I live with, it just isn't fair, especially seeing that I have never done anything wrong to you.

To top off the whole night there was a fist fight between 2 guys in the s building. Cool fucking night. Skype and talking in Amanda's room was the only fun part of the night. Tomorrow will be 4 nights in a row I will be drinking because I clearly rule at life. I'm eating noodles and planning on watching videos of kittens for the next few hours because it makes me happy.

:(

I was going to apply to be a residence assistant for next year but that dream has quickly come and gone seeing as they would never accept me because I'm on academic probation from first semester.
Wow, can you say failure at life?
Ohh well I will get my average up this semester...that probably means that I should actually DO some homework.
AH school is such a joke :(

Plans for today:
Be dirty and stay in my room and watch the real world all day.
If anything is going on tonight I'll consider taking a shower
and if I get bored of the real world then I'll finish my residence assistant application that's due today.

Now that I have my priorities straight I can officially say that I rule at life.
Yay for using sarcasm in blogs.

Tonight was fun minus all the things that distracted us from reaching the bar.
I kissed my first girl tonight and had so much fun dancing at caps AND didn't cry about dumb boy stufffffff. Go me :)
Pat is pretty much passed out in my bed and I don't know how I'm going to maneuver myself around him so I can go to sleep.

I know you don't like it when I drink but you don't know me anymore. Sorry.

WOW I still feel drunk from last night and when I woke up my leg hurt and I was shivering but wasn't cold. WTF is wrong with me.I don't even remember getting dressed into my pajamas last night. I don't think partying 4 nights in a row is going to be happing this weekend, or ever. My body can't handle it. Plus I don't know whats wrong with my leg. It feels like I pulled a muscle.

I need to sleep because I feel like shit and I'm sick and tired of crying over the same person EVERY FUCKING TIME I DRINK. IT'S FUCKING PATHETIC AND RETARDED.

:'(

This is why I love my best friend.

snow daizz

I got out of photography class 2 hours early because the school closed down because of all the snow. I was really glad that I got out of photography because the teacher always picks on me and I want to punch him out.

SNOW DAY PICHHUR TYMMEE!!

ohh heyy flashh

and glasses

i'm mother fucking creepy


i don't actually look like this

ma roomz with moccasins on the floor
ma nose has something on it :(

the deer in the headlights look is so in




pretty much my feelings towards my photography teacher.

degausser

Take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
say, "I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in"
well when we were made we were set apart
but life is a test and I get bad marks.

My first weekend home has surprisingly been a really good one.
On Friday night I went to McDonalds with Pat and Matt and discussed plans for next Thursday. Pat is coming down to my school and coming to my film class next Thursday, then everyone is pre-drinking before we go to the bar :)
Saturday I went to the mall with Matt G and attempted to become part of the century club with Pat, Amanda and Chantel but failed at a miserable 12 shots. I hate beer but at least everyone else succeeded. I want to try again some day.
Today I went sledding with my little brother which is probably the most fun I've had in awhile but now I think I'm getting sick.

I have such high hopes for this week because every other week I've been back at school something shitty has happened. I really hope this week will be different.

I listened in
Yes, I'm guilty of this you should know this
I broke down and wrote you back
before you had a chance to
Forget, forgotten, I am moving past this
giving notice
I have to go
Yes, I know the feeling know you're leaving

Spelled out your name and list the reasons faint of heart
Don't call me back
I imagine you and I was distant, non-existent
I'll follow suit and laid out on my back
Imagine that
A million hours left to think of you and think of that


:(

I got into the bar tonight and it was pretty fun until I got back to residence and was told that some people had some things to tell me about my behavior lately. Thank you to the person who told me what everyone else had to say about me and sharing my microwave dinner with me.

It also kinda ticked me off when I saw the guy I hooked up with last week leave the bar with another girl. I wish I knew he was a man whore before I did anything with him :(

So I pretty much hate boys. I'm turning lesbian guys!

In other news,
I wasn't aware that dancing with me would ruin our "relationship". Just so you know, buying me a drink doesn't make everything better, you still make me feel like shit. I don't care if you accept my friend request on facebook, I'm deleting you again. We CAN'T be friends, I'm not strong enough, sorry. You really don't have any idea how hard being around you is for me.

This was written in a completely sober state so it's not drunken gibberish. YAYYY sober thoughts.

I can't wait to leave residence for a few days. This place is making me crazy and I don't feel like myself anymore.

I think something is wrong with me. Every night I stay up until 3 in the morning then can't fall asleep until 5 because I have insomnia. Then when I finally get to sleep I sleep until 2pm which means that I pretty much sleep all day and stay up all night.

For once I'd just like to lie down and fall asleep in 10 minutes instead of lying there for hours thinking about stupid things that don't even matter.

I need to buy sleeping pills.

Pictures from last weekend

BEGIN:

I pretty much rule at life

Hopefully I'm actually going to the bar tomorrow night, not like last week then I'm coming home for the weekend :D:D:D

Would it be okay?

Would it be okay if I took your breath away?

The flip cup finals were insane but the team I wanted to win won :)

I was probably the least drunk out of my friends for once tonight. I know, unreal. Chantel told the boy I'm crushinn' on that I think he's cute and he smiled then she ran away. Too bad this boy is out of my league, regardless of what my friends say. AHAHA let the awkwardness begin.

So Matt Graham was complaining that I write too many song lyrics on my blog and that he only wants me to write about my day. Well here is a big FUCK YOU to him. I'll write what I want.
In other news my sleeping patterns are wayy messed up. Last night I went to bed at 4 am and woke up at 2 pm today.

Tomorrow I am going to go to the sexual harassment meeting for everyone who moved into residence this semester then watch the flip cup finals on S2.

Last night someone who has been kinda shitty to me recently apologized and I'm happy that it doesn't have to be retarded and awkward between us anymore. We both came to the conclusion that alcohol does bad things to us and I'm making a personal decision not to get so fucked up when I drink.

This week is going to be boring, I can feel it.

dear matt graham,

my day was good.

the end.

fuckkerrr

I was spinning free
With a little sweet and simple numbing me.
What a dizzy dance
This sweetness will not be concerned with me.

Sell me out I'm yesterday's old news,
phrases left on paper,
black ink bleeding through
the pages where we made our history.
Call me foolish,
I feel hopeless...

Tonight was a lot better then last night because there was no passing out, puking or crying on my part. I also didn't really drink that much.

Everyone said that I looked really sad tonight so I told them that the sadness from last night must have carried on over to today. I'm rocking the sad girl look on my face from now on.

Nothing really exiting happened tonight though. We ate pizza and talked about all of the crazy shenanigans that went on last night. Then me, Chantel and James ended up in someone's room that was watching porn and sat in the s2 hall with all of James' friends who were all pretty much wasted. I really had high hopes for this weekend, too bad it kinda sucked.

Next weekend I'm gong back to Barrie for the first time and I'm so exited! Then I'm going to a party with my loveee Matt Graham. I miss him and our random sleep overs.

I should really start going to bed at reasonable hours and stop feeling like I've gained 300 pounds, but anyways

goodnight :)

WOW
I was wayyy hammered when I wrote those blogs last night but none the less they are very true.

So I'm never drinking that much vodka again (I've said that before). I pretty much have frost bite on my feet and bruises everywhere from falling down. I wish I didn't get so drunk and cry all the time so thats why tonight I'm going to make up my shitty time last night by going to another party. YAYYY

Ahaha I fail at life and am currently obsessed with peach juice.

I've never cried so much in my life as I have tonight. I miss Matt Graham, Katie, and Pat so much. They are the only people that make me feel worth living. I hate liking you so much. I wish we never met, honestly life would me so much easier.

I'm so pathetic for making this bother me so much.

If you are reading this I hope you know you are a big waste of time and effort and I don't really ever want to talk to you again. You meant a lot to me before I knew what you were all about.


Stop reading my blogs, I want nothing to do with you.

speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a you don't care a bit

oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit


:(

No one worry! I fixed my OSAP problem and got an extra 2300 dollasssss.
Anyways tonight was completely random. Me, Chantel, Kristin and our new friend Dave were going to go to Caps, the on campus bar, for the first night this year. The line was too long to get in so we went back to residence. Some random guy from the US invited us to his room and gave us free whiskey. After getting really tipsy we went back to Kristin's room and I must say that the night we had was way better than going to caps. I kissed a new boy tonight and I'm happy.

:)

Wooo house party tomorrow I'm drunk goodbye :D

FUCK OSAP! Fuckers give me 7000 dollars last semester and only 1000 this semester. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY ANYTHING WITH THAT!!???
I'm going to have to fucking move out of residence unless I find a way to get more money.
:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(
I don't want to move out. FML.
I HATE YOU OSAP.

So much for being temporarily happy.
I'm not going to class today, I'm too frustrated and sad.

Chantel let me use her computer and her SLR camera for photography class so I'm significantly less stressed.
I'm picking up my OSAP tomorrow and the week is almost over! I have a new crush and I'm going to a house party this weekend. YAYYYY LIFE :D


I've got no place in my heart for a criminal like you to dwell,
in this endeavor, make this last forever...
I'm just delirious,
You can't be serious,
You're so infamous for leaving me a mess...

just take the money and run

Don’t look back for a second now
We’re not supposed to feel this way
but, God it’s so sweet of you…

Chantel made me get up with her at 8:30 to go with her to her news writing class. So far I have done a test and interviewed 8 people. Remind me to never go to a class that isn't mine ever again.

I'm going back to residence soon to sleep. I want another Italian soda.

boldor

Dear blog,

I'm sorry for not writing in you for the past week but it has been strictly due to the fact that I am lacking a computer.

The past week was pretty hectic and farrr from sober. All my classes are okay except for my photography class. My teacher pretty much hates me for having a film camera and not an SLR and advised me to switch into journalism or public relations but he's not going to get rid of me that easily. I desperately need to pick up my OSAP because I currently have no money for my textbooks.

Since I don't have class on Fridays I started my first full weekend on residence early and drank 3 nights in a row, which I do no suggest doing.

Thursday night I attempted to drink a whole bottle of champagne, Friday I drank with a whole bunch of people on S4/5 and ended up in some really creepy guys room with my friend Kristin.

On Saturday night my friends came down to visit me where they proceeded to spill things on my floor, steal my bed, lock me out of my room, make me laugh so hard I threw up and tackle me but I love them anyways. I also got fired from American Eagle yesterday and am currently suspended from McDonalds. YAY for not having a job. I also started reading twilight.

So how is that for an update? I really don't know when I'll be on the computer next so

BYEE :)

i have to stop drinking to make myself say things i normally wouldn't.
it only leads to disappointment.

since i've been back to residence the people on my floor have caught me up on season 4 of one tree hill, not that i ever watched it but whatever. it has some of the worst acting ever but regardless, i think i'm starting to like it because i have low standards for things lately.

i lost my key to my room last night then lost the temporary key i was given. i rule at life, i know.

this weekend pat, katie and matt are coming to party with me on residence and i miss them because we spent so much time together over the holidays.

my friend sean let me use his computer and i hope he doesn't want it back anytime soon....

by the way i love writing blogs in many short paragraphs and with no capital letters. woo :)

i don't have a computer and i'm back at school for the next 2 weeks so don't expect any posts from me.

i'm drunk so goodbye :D

moving tomorrow

Well I've got a chance for a sweet sane life
said I've got a dance
it moves into the night
Well I've got a plan with forward in my eyes

But today my heart swings

I'm moving back to residence in 2 days and I'm pretty exited to start school again. I'm also kind of worried because of the way I left some of the relationships with the people I met before I left. Oh well, everything should work out for the best, besides, it's a new year and everything is going to be amazing.

I just know it.

so far in 2009 i have stepped in a dog dish full of water, been caught by my friends, half naked in a bathroom with a boy, skipped an 8 hour shift at work and found my guinea pig dead.
goo me!
fuck you 2009.

RIP Maxxie :'(