I keep and declare my right to give you nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I don't really know you but what I do know is that I hate your guts, truly.

this is why we will never take 3 trips in the span of 24 hours to the same lcbo again

Helga
LCBO TRIP TOMORROW?

Matt
OMG haha
were the alcoholics

Helga
hopefully the same lady will be working
AHAHAHA

Matt
lets wear the same clothes bahaha

Helga
LETS
and while we are at the cash we can try to pass off as non alcoholics by joking about how she thinks we are alcoholics

Matt
HAHAHAHA YES!

I Crawl From Under The Bed, And Put A Hole In Your Head Homie

Nothing like going for a run whilst listening to Young Buck.

The lyrics "I'll bust yo' motherfuckin head hoe" really get me going, HAHAHA.

Tomorrow hangouts with Chantellyyyyy then Matt (L) then on Friday heading down to Rexdale to visit Amanda and hopefully Kristyn will accompany me.

WOO

FUCK:
drive thru
drive thru times
drive thru headsets that get caught on everything
parking cars
people constantly harassing you to park cars when you're busy giving out orders
running orders outside and not having enough time to make drinks
marcelle
andrew
FUCK MCDONALDS

Welllll, I ran until my legs went numb and I couldn't run anymore. Why am I so excessive?
Anyways I feel pretty damn good now and it helped me get my mind off stupid shit that I let upset me.

Work tomorrow, not stokked because I know it's probably not a drive thru shift.

I want to start my running routine today but it saddens me to have to run without my i pod.
I wish the person who has it would put more effort into giving it back.

No big plans for this week other than my first shift back at McDonalds on Wednesday and hanging out with Chantel on Thursday.

Hangouts with Matt a lot too.

I'm obsessed with drinking milk, that's all I drink. I'm gross.

yes, I too love sarcasm

Best line of last night:
"if I wasn't gay we'd be having sex right now."

Best compliment eveeeeer, thanks Matt.

Gonna go play pokemon platinum now, no biggie, I'm just really cool.

Everyone is asleep in Matt's house and I'm still awake.
What's wrong with me?
The only thing I'm really grateful for is that I'm drunk but not depressed.
Thank god.

:D:D:D:D

I hated drunk tears and drunk crying.

I love right now.

So today Matt is coming to pick me up and we are going to Mcdonalds to let them know that I STILL WORK THERE and to put me back on the list of people WHO WORK THERE.
Then to the lcbo, hotboxing Matt's cars then maybe we'll get some ideas to do something fun before we drink.
Hopefully someone will join us for drinks tonight because so far it's just Matt and I drinking.

I miss Amanda, Kristyn, Chantel and Kaitlyn.
I plan to hangout with them all real soon :)

LOVE

i want to start to run again since i have nothing better to do with my life other then lay in my bed and watch movies.
i should start working again soon too.

i need to get out of the state of mind i'm in now, it's only making me depressed.
i've been like this for too long, it's the only way i know how to be now.

Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I fall deep

hell yeah, i'm jumping right on the kelly clarkson bandwagon until i get sick of this song...which will be in t minus 5,4,3,2 syykke.

i woke up at 3pm today

Someone make plans with me this week.
I'm bored, bored, boooooored.
I'm going to go watch all of the 20 movies my dad let me borrow now.
Bye!

keith

Such a good movie, Jesse MccCartney really proves himself to be a pretty fantastic actor in this one.

Weird movie though.

okay helga, thats enough with the depressing blogs already!

I'm so sad to be leaving residence but happy to be going home, plus it hasn't been the same around here for the past couple of weeks. It's such a weird feeling.

Ugg I've just been so depressed that everyone I've spent so much time getting to know this semester are all leaving and I won't see most of them ever again. I'm leaving with some of the best memories, some of the best friends and some of the hardest life lessons I've ever learned.

Why is life so depressing? Barrie and people I love that reside in Barrie better make this feeling go away.

this is my last blog i'm ever writing about you

don't fucking act like you led me on when you clearly told your friends that you liked me.

it's actually really funny that your new girl is ugly, your friends think she's annoying and she bitches about her ex boyfriend all the time.
you found yourself a winner.

p.s.- stop shopping at baby gap and find some shirts that actually fit you and aren't extra small when your clearly not.

:)

ahah i'm so meeeannn.

i'm growing quite fond of cold showers.

why is my last blog entry so emo?

helga is an emotional wreck as of now

I can't control this feeling of sadness I've been getting for the past week. I need to leave here now. I don't ever want to come back. I just want to be home and feel safe and happy. I need to be home. I NEED TO BE FUCKING HAPPY, I DESERVE IT.

For the past while my mind set is "whats wrong with you, why would anyone want you, you're ugly."
Thats how everyone makes me feel.
I'm at the point where I wont even make a move on a guy if I'm drunk.
Everyone wants one of my friends but never me and when someone did want me I tried to take it slow but he only thought I wanted to be friends because of it. fml

PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE.

I woke up this morning and found a note slipped under my door from someone who came to see if I was okay because they heard me crying last night:

"Dear Helga,
I know this doesn't meant much considering we never knew each other. But, I hope you feel better. You are a wonderful girl, and I hate to see you cry. If you ever need to talk, just let me know."

I should have more people like this in my life.

:(

I'm crying and I don't know why.
this is the worst feeling in the world. I want someone to come visit me so I dont have to be alone.
:'(

i wish i wasn't so angry

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

Sorry I'm not easy or fucking ugly as hell as the girl you were with tonight.
I guess I'm just bitter and not your type ;) Screw you and your easy fucking girls you go after.
I only liked you because you liked me first.
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

For I may fall and I may fail but I will stand again each time and you will find no satisfaction. Because you cannot kill me here.

I wrote this for you

aka- the most amazing blog i've ever found on the internet.

My fucking photography teacher is only going to give me 10 percent on my final assignment because his e mail wont open my attachment and he doesn't even have the proper e mail for a Guelph Humber teacher.

I'm going to fail fucking photography and film so fml.

I'm like balling my eyes out right now because I fucking went to china town all by myself and tried so hard to finish the assignment, actually went to woodbine to BUY a cd to burn my pictures on so I could give it to him. LIKE FUCK YOU I NEVER WANT YOU AS A TEACHER AGAIN FUCKCKKASFJFBGSDAJL:XBGVJCMSA,GVFJSKLAkmCVKS.
I'M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.

Today was fun with our value village shopping and burger king eating and Kristyn throwing Chantel's hair extensions at me. I screamed, they laughed.

It was really sad today when my neighbor moved out. It's so depressing that everyone I've spent the last 5 months with is leaving.

I hate change, we are never going to have the fun times in residence with the same people ever again. It's so depressing. Why does change have to be so hard? UGGG.

House party at the bankview house tomorrow! Hopefully I don't do something stupid like I do EVERY TIME I go to parties there.

I wish something fun was going on, I'm bored as hell.

COME ENTERTAIN ME!

AHAHAH
reading last night's blog made me smile.
i'm drinking freezies because i'm thirsty and i cant afford to buy pop on my rez card.
efmalyfe

i tried to edit this while i was hammered. lolz

All I wanted tonight is mr.noodles and I got it.
luvv lfe
fuck you and yeah ;)
pretty stokked not to see you again for awhile and that statement can apply to many, many ppl.
cant wait till friday and the party.

ooh yeahhhhhh ;)
gonna get fucked up.
last i checked everyone on my floor was passed out in the lounge ahahha bye 1st year!

you sucked big fat cock, but not rly.

have a good night everyone ;)

im drunk and not every allowed to write blogs dunk but this is an exception b/c it's the end of my first year of universs5t5y and it's summahhh

:):):)

I just downloaded a bagillion sad songs, they make me love life so much more especially:
Candle in the Wind-Elton John
Hallelujah-Jeff Buckley
Low-Kelly Clarkson

Last exam tomorrow then celebrating the end of 1st year with some friends feat. wine obv.
Thursday, value village shopping trip, helping Chantel move out then off to the LCBO to buy something that isn't wine and returning my empties with Kristyn.
Friday, party at the Bankview house, seww exited!
Saturday, party again for the last time on residence.
Hopefully there will be lots of this, this week/weekend, minus the v8:

my brain hurts :(
i just finished a whole take home exam in 4 hours and my brain is mush.
i never knew i could bullshit 3000 words but i'm living proof that it can be done.
time to go eat for the first time today and i'm soo exited for something really greasy.

i'm overdramatic

I wish you would at least TRY for me before I leave...

if not I guess I'll miss you.

Have a good life,
sincerely
Helga.

all nighter here i come whether you like it or not.
i have a ridiculous amount of homework to do because i procrastinate like hell.
ohh btw pictures from my birthday weekend.
before the bar
this picture makes my boob look bigger than it is
luv not opening my eyes in pictures
r8 crew, don't look too exited matt
sewwww cool
all ova matt graham
why did i wear those glasses for all of the pictures?
best birthday :)

That mistake was gold. I know that without you is something that I could never do.

ahh i wish i'd speak my mind more.
i have so much to say, mostly things that would piss people right the fuck off.
i wish i could just get everything off my chest but i cant.
so i guess i'll continue to have random rants to matt graham about retarded people in retarded situations.



ahahahah fml i'm to the point that i cant write what i feel in my blog because too many people read it.
fuck you all bye.

As of now I have three birthday wishes on facebook.
glad to know im so loved.
thanks all 360 friends i have, fuck you all.


my birthday sucks already.

i'm drunk cos i'm 19

I'm finally 19!
yay life but not really.

My friends aren't coming to visit me tomorrow anymore.
So partying with Courtney and Miriam ftw.

Happy birthday Helgs. FML

OHH HEY I CAN DO WAYY BETTER THAN YOU.
ahahaha WHAT A WASTE OF TIME

FUCK YOU

BYEEEEEE

Sorry I complain so much but I have to do it somewhere

UGG why does today suck so much?
I had to re-do my photography project that I spent all last night on after my photography exam today.

For dinner I got a stupid veggie wrap because I didn't know they were serving stir fry, which is my favorite thing to eat in the caf.

I hate the awkwardness of walking by someone, saying hi, and them not saying hi back or when they say hi to you and you don't say anything back and walk on by.

This happens almost daily in residence and it makes me want to die everywhere.

my mouth is frozen so i can't even speak

What I mean is, all I need is,
Just a little emotion
Cause all I see is you not feeling
And you're giving me nothing nice
I tried to do you right, why'd you have to go and turn to ice?

whatever, I'm leaving in a week and i wont ever see you again anyways.

I'm a pretty unlucky person. The LCBO is closed on my 19th birthday which pretty much rules. My black legging I love and wear all the time are ripping in the thighs because my thighs are thunderous. Oh and I had an essay due today which I couldn't do because I had to study for photography yesterday night all night and today until 5. I can't do it after my photography exam because I have to study all night for my film exam for tomorrow. I can't do it after my film exam because I have to go visit my dad then go to the bar because I'll be 19 at 12 am tomorrow.

So it looks like I'll be doing my essay on my birthday which is cool too.
Everyone is going home for easter so no on will be on residence on Friday night to celebrate my birthday with me.
Bah.
Bad luck.

Oh hey, uploaded my pictures from china town onto my flickr!

Check it
CLICK HURRR

Tonight I have to alternate between doing my communications technology paper, studying for photography and photoshopping my pictures for my photography project tomorrow.

I better unplug my internet cord from my computer!

I can officially only afford one meal a day from now on if I plan to have enough money to survive on residence until I move out.

I have no time to study for film now because my fucking teacher HAD to make our exam on the 9th. Happy birthday Helga, you get to fail film class. YEAH!

In better news I got an 80 percent on my ethics test.

Way to freak out Helga!

My test was wayy easy and I did really well on my visual journals for my visual communications class. Sorry Guelph Humber, looks like you will have to endure yet another year of me.

Bill Nye is a douche bag. Woah, didn't see that one coming.

As if we have a test in visual communications today that I didn't know about!!! WHAT THE HELL? As if I'm not doing bad enough in this class already, I get to fail this test too! Cool! I'm going to get kicked out of school.

Anyways, seeing Bill Nye tonight, then studying then swimming with the girls.

I don't know where I'm going to have time to eat today, I guess I'll start the 30 hour famine early.

LOL

I've said it before and I'll say it again: FML.

So on my solo adventure to China Town today I got harassed by a homeless guy, took some decent pictures, bought a little Buddha and sat in a Vietnamese restaurant to eat by myself. How cool am I?

Even cooler because of these pictures.

wuddup lil' Buddha?
half a face in black and white. well aren't I artistic?
messy bed
mirror pictures never get boring
yeah
actually after the 3rd one they kinda do
oh heyyy depressed looking version of me!

Gotta head my butt down to China town today to take some pictures for my photography project, not that Johan will like them because he ceases to like anything I take.

Last night was fun but not really.

Amanda, Kristyn, some random named Robbie and I partied in my room for a bit which was fun. Apparently cherry tomatoes are very Christian, according to Kristyn. AHAHA

No party on s2? SAY WHATT? BTW party on r2? Random as hell. Creepy guy from the bar was DJing. Dancing is fun when there's no one in the lounge to see you dance.

Wandered a lot, ended up in my room with Courtney and talked a lot, lost Amanda, found Amanda, lost Amanda again. Lay on Amanda's floor and bitched about life till 4 in the morn with Kristyn.

Found out that someone tried to set up the boy I like with another girl then the person apologized, claiming they didn't know we were together, even though we aren't.

Apparently everyone knows we have a "thing"...if you could call it that...wtfff?

Got accused by a security guard of running away from him when we were actually just running to get Kristyn's stuff from my room because we were in an apparent rush.
Stupid Indian mall cops.

Second last weekend of partying on rez = mild success.

Well, everyone that I've talked to tonight has told me that they've heard either directly or indirectly from you that you legit like me.

One person told me that you're just not into me.

I don't know what to think right now, I'd talk to you if you weren't passed out and it wasn't like 5 in the morning.

Why am I letting this bother me so much?

Oh yeah, because I like you, in case you didn't get the hint.

I'm never ever, ever, ever, ever allowed to write blogs when I'm drunk again.
Bahaha.
Hopefully no one read my last entry.

Hangovers suck.
At least it isn't raining today.

my plans for today:
*finish watching watchmen
*study for my photography exam
*go to fortinos
*go to the free bbq behind rez
*party on the hill
*party on s2.

Rain plz stop now.
:(

I have a busy night ahead of me, not.
Gonna watch me the rest of twilight, then watchmen, maybe squeeze in some bill nye and 90210.

All thats missing is someone to watch them with. :(

So I'm pretty angry that my stupid film exam has been moved to the 9th, the day before my birthday, instead of the 23rd. This means I'm going to move out a lot sooner than I expected.

And it turns out that the movie I watched last week in film class was not Citizen Kane, it was Double Indemnity. FML

I wish my teacher knew how to speak proper English.

:(

My phone played an April fools joke on me today, how sad.

I got up and looked at my phone and I thought it said 11:00am when my class starts at 11:45. There would be no way I could have showered, blow dried my hair, and straightened it before class. So I ran to the showers and had a 10 minute shower as opposed to a 20 minute one and forgot to shave.

I get back to my room and realize my clock really said "April 1 10:00. I misread it for 11.

April fools Helgaaaaa.

march 2009 playlist

1.Human-Carpark North
2.Soco Amaretto Lime-Brand New
3.Out Here Grinding-DJ Khaled
4.You Found Me-The Fray
5.Like a Boss-The Lonely Island
6.Can't Stay The Same-Saves The Day
7.Take Me On The Floor-The Veronicas
8.Alabaster-The Fashion
9.Toxic-A Static Lullaby
10.I Like To Fuck-Hot Rod Ft. Tila Tequila


byee march!