By the end of this week I will have worked 30 hours.
Motherfucking shitty.
I went to see Avatar yesterday. It was good for a 3 hour long movie.
This weekend is going to be so ridiculously amazing.
Tomorrow we are going out for Chantel's birthday then to the Queens for New Years.
Friday me and a bunch of people are taking a limo downtown to hit up the bars
and Saturday is a house party at my friends house.
Being hungover is not an option for the next three days but unfortunately it is inevitable.
Here's a picture of me and Marlin because I know how much you missed me.

EVERYONE GO GET ONE NOW

it tastes like italy.

I have 700 ish dollars and I'm going to buy my DSLR soon.
I want to buy the Nikon D3000.
Tonight I'm going over to Matt's house then to the Queens for some boxing day celebration but after I work 3 till 9 at McHELL of course.

Pictures from last night:


I got my hair cut and went to the bar last night with my best friend I haven't seen in 3 months.
I met a cute boy and we hooked up and I probably shouldn't be doing things like that but every time I drink I always do things with random boys.
YAYAYAYYY SINGLE ME BUT NOT.

I tried to fight it
I tried so hard
and every day
I pray to god
that you and me were meant to be
but you had another
you had a lover

So I do this thing where I make myself look like I'm going to cry when I talk to people that make me nervous. Could be why I was asked if I was okay three times today by managers at work.

I AM OKAY. I can't help it if I make weird faces when I'm talking to you.
I'm fucking strange.

My year in retrospect

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Drank alcohol legally

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made a new years resolution but this year it's going to be
1. do better in school
2. concentrate on things that matter

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
None, lol

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A camera

7. What date(s) from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Nothing before summer because January-April sucked so hard.
Pretty much every night spent drunk with Matt, Canada day, visiting Amanda at residence during the summer, drinking coolers and having a dance party in Pat's car, the weekend I bought my hamster, going to Jenna's house one random night, wasaga with Matt, hotel party/Andrew's party, David's birthday, welcome week in general (MSTRKRFT!!!), visiting York University, limo/bar night with Chantel, getting drunk at H&M, nuit blanche, seeing where the wild things are in an empty theater, every night spent drinking in Chantel's room, flip cup tournament, anti-gala, Halloween weekend, trips to the dance cave, Connor's birthday, getting my tattoo
May-now fucking ruled.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting another job I guess

9. What was your biggest failure?
Smashing my laptop on the floor while I was drunk

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Only allergic reactions from eating pineapple

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My netbook

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everyones :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My own, my friend's, certain boys
but mostly my own

14. Where did most of your money go?
Sadly I'd have to say booze

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Halloween weekend

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
All things black eyed peas, SOMEBODY CALL 911 SHAWTY FIRE BURNIN ON THE DANCEFLOOR AWOAHOOOOOOOAH

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
Happier :) thank god

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Homework

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being hungover

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my family

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
no

23. How many one night stands?
Define 1 night stands?
No sex with random people just other things...

24. What was your favourite TV program?
skins, gossip girl

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yeah

26. What was the best book you read?
The book of Negroes

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
crystal castles, the knife, SALEM, phoenix etc...

28. What did you want and get?
A job in Toronto

29. What did you want and not get?
Good grades

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
UP

31. What did you do on your birthday?
Matt came to visit me in Toronto and we got drunk

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If the first half of the year was as good as the last half

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Jeans didn't exist for me, I had an obsession with tights. Still do...

34. What kept you sane?
My blog

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I fancy you the most :)

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Oh hey politics, I don't care

37. Who did you miss?
Matt

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Uhhh I didn't meet a lot of new people this year that I kept in thouch with but I'm going to have to go with the boy I most recently liked.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Don't fucking settle

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold

Skeleton Boy

You're too much,
I take it that we're over
should we even care at all?
Too much, too much
lets shake hands and say goodbye

Before the sun comes out
shake hands and say

WEE

Hi!!!
I'm excited, I'm happy
which is a big deal for me.
I'm so stoked to get drunk with Matt Graham in his basement and have sleepovers and cuddles and see his mom and be awkward with his dad. I'm excited to party with Katie and see Amanda and Trevor back home. AHH :)

You never were, and you never will be mine
No, you never were, and you never will be mine

There's a moment to seize every time that we meet
But you have always keep passing me by

But you never were, and you never will be mine

tomorrow is going to be so cute.
i'm making pancakes in the morning then going to visit my grandma.
she's going to make soup for me with little star shaped pastas in it.
:)

My dream last night

Catching butterflies
To catch or kill a butterfly, suggests that you are being too superficial.
(oh true)

Hare
To see a hare in your dream, represents swiftness, transformation or self-sacrifice. What are you giving up or sacrificing in your waking life? It may also symbolize your rash behavior or cleverness.

Rollercoaster
To dream that you are riding a roller coaster, signifies that you are experiencing erratic behavior brought on by yourself or a situation. You are experiencing frequent ups and downs in your waking life.

Stain
To see a stain in your dream, indicates a superficial and reversible mistake in your life. Consider and analyze the substance and color of the stain and the location of the stain itself. If you cannot remove the stain, then it represents guilt or your unwillingness to forgive and forget.

I can't

try for you anymore. It’s too hard, it hurts too much. Don’t think for a second that you’ll have another chance. Have a nice life sign languaging with her.

So today I woke up and I was in some random house. I have such a cool life. Just another regular night of me getting drunk and making out with random people. Woo.

I'm so hungover it feels like my brain is exploding.

I'm getting wasted tonight and I'm not going to let anything upset me.
Bring on the tequila babyyyyyy.

give me a sign

i
don't
know
anymore.

Hey guys wanna hear a funny story?
My fake ID got turned down at the bar when I'm 19 and I should have a real ID but I don't.
This is life's way of telling me I shouldn't be going to the bar when I should be studying for my exam tomorrow.
I'm tipsy and there was no point to me even drinking tonight. Just my luck, just my fucking luck.
Something good happen please because I'm such a fuck up.

typing in the dark is hard

I just slept from 6 until now and I wasn't even tired. I mean I was but I had no reason to be because I got more than enough sleep last night. I feel so tired and weak lately. Maybe I'm sick. I skipped lunch and dinner and I just want to go back to sleep or maybe not because I keep having fucked up dreams.

Bye.

2009

Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2009.
Post the first few sentences or so of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review."

January
so far in 2009 i have stepped in a dog dish full of water, been caught by my friends, half naked in a bathroom with a boy, skipped an 8 hour shift at work and found my guinea pig dead.

February
You were a chill guy when we fist met and everyone else thought so too but ever since this semester started you have been a big dick.

March
I think something is wrong with me seeing as I slept 17 hours today and went to bed at 8 pm last night.
My body is so sore from dodge ball because I'm completely out of shape.

April
So I'm pretty angry that my stupid film exam has been moved to the 9th, the day before my birthday, instead of the 23rd. This means I'm going to move out a lot sooner than I expected.

May
Nothing like sneaking into The Hannah Montana movie and drinking a few coolers while watching it with your best friend.
Today was so good :D

June
I want to take my web piercing out because its so fucking dirty and I can't clean it because it is ever so hard to reach.
Maybe I'll put it back in when it's clean or when I get another ring.

July
I'm going downtown tonight with a bunch of people and getting drunk. I don't know exactly whats going down but I'm sure it will be a good night.

August
I've never felt like I was going to die more in my life than I did last night.
Bongs are evil.
The hotel party, dancing and jumping on the beds was fun though :)

September
Dance tonight and I'm not wearing my retarded welcome week leader shirt to it, they can deal.
BOWTIEEE♥

October
I don't like the way I'm becoming. I'm doing something I swore at the beginning of the year I wouldn't do but I'm fucking impatient so I can't help it.

November
i'm not looking forward to the next 2 weeks. i'm dead broke from buying my laptop so that means no party times this weekend.
i have a crush, oh hey!!!!!!!! what else is new, honestly.

December
My love life has been degraded to a bunch of drunken makeouts and hookups.
Bah,what can you do?

My life is utterly so lame and embarrassing.
2010 save me!

Fuck security, fuck feeling secure and comfortable.
Fucking live, feel scared, do something crazy, feel alive.

I'm living for today, not yesterday, not tomorrow. I'm living for right fucking now.

Today I'm going to go take my exam then go back to bed. I feel like shit, I've been having shitty dreams and I don't like to eat anymore. Not only is the food where I live so fucking gross but I've just been losing my appetite lately.

Look at me, I've gone and ruined everything
but if I could do it again I wouldn't have done it any other way.

You said you thought you weren't good enough for me and hey guess what? You were right.
Take what you can get now and wonder what could have been later.
Baby I'm so past it.

you can't say no forever

I thought that maybe I was so upset last night because I was drunk, nope. I'm still pretty upset and I don't really know what to do. It's all I can think about, I don't want to eat, I just want to lay here all day and watch movies until tonight when I can get drunk and go downtown and forget about everything.
I never realized how many people cared about me until after they saw me upset last night. That makes me incredibly happy.

I haven't been so heartbroken in a while.
Sorry isn't enough when you chose someone who has a fucked up face over me.
You never gave me a fucking chance but I'll win you over yet.
She doesn't stand a chance in hell.

cause you don't see me like i wish you would

It's Friday, party tonight, dance cave tomorrow night.
Stoked as fuck.

I updated my flickr today, go look and stuff

MA FLICKR

Wine me dine me, stand up 69 me

Hi bbyz.
Today I bought these:


And some boots.
Yeah, I don't really have much else to say other than 1 year single in 3 days.
My love life has been degraded to a bunch of drunken makeouts and hookups.
Bah,what can you do?

basically

I like the way that you talk,
I like the way that you walk.
It’s hard to recreate such an individual game

You wait you turn in the queue,
You say your sorries and thank you’s
I don’t think you’re ever
A hundred percent in the room

Hi, I'm swamped with homework.
My flipcup team made it to the semi finals at the tournament last weekend.
3 little blond girls and one boy beat a whole bunch of teams with tank ass guys on them.
Go us.

tonight

this is what i'll b e wearing

this is what i'll be drinking

flip cup tourney, hopefully we do well :)

I got my first tattoo today :D

muffin top

Today at work my manager gave me the top part of a blueberry muffin to eat for free because it had broken off. It was fresh and I LOVE FRRESSSSHH BLUEBERRY MUFFINS A LOT. While I was eating it I started to do a happy bounce but I didn't realize it and the ladies I work with pointed out that I was happily bouncing and laughed. I'm so embarrassing / fucking weird.

Thnx 4 reading my pointless blog entry.
Luv u,
bye!

luv it wen u thug me bby

i never realized how much i missed this song until now

:):):)

I had an allergic reaction from pineapple tonight and my stomach has finally recovered since it happened at 7:30 pm resulting in no homework done. My room is a mess and I sleep with gratuitousness amounts of things on my bed such as books, bags and clothes. How do I live?

:(

the only thing i'm looking forward to is this weekend which is the flipcup tournament in which my team will kick some ass. the rest of the week can fuck off. who's with me?

I've been waiting 5 minutes for this fucking dude to be done printing his shit. He's printing a goddamn book I tell you.
HURRY UP SO I CAN GO READ THE REST OF THE BOOK OF NEGROES.

.....
He's still printing. I know he's going to take my one fucking page I need by mistake then I'm going to have to print it again.

All the paper is going to be out soon....

It's been like 10 minutes now.
I'm going to go punch him in the face, BYE!

Hate my life with me

So there's this 10 page essay for my contemporary narrative class. It's due November 30th but little did I know that it really isn't due on that day. It's due today. LOL LOL LOL I'm so fucked. I read 100 pages of the book I was supposed to do it on today. 300 more to go.
LOL+FML
I'm dying of stress and I have to work at 8 am for the next three days.

My little brother is so cute. He made a huge breakfast for me this morning which I was too much of a bitch to wake up and eat. I feel bad. He just gave me a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye because I wont be home for another month.
I have the best brother ever.

My week

Wednesday night, flip cup/ dolphin stickers galore

Friday night we filled a room with balloons
we got fancy

and put candy in our drinks
we're weird

i'vr got this ice box where my heart used to be.

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

Today I mopped my bosses office at work. Eventful day so far.
Oh and I walked home with the cute boy from work too.
After class I'm sleeping forever, do not disturb. going to my friend Sean's house, see you later alligator.

i don't even know what i could write about how i feel to make me not sound pathetic.

it's all over, i'm done like i was before tonight
fuck, just fuckfukcufckfuckxvghbuVDSFB

Like all the boys before, like all the boys, boys, boys.

it
will
only
be
a
matter
of
time
goodnight

Does he know what I do and you'll pass this on, won't you ?

My hair is always so messy, I never brush it. I like the way it looks though.
I wish this song would stop getting stuck in my head but it's so fucking good.

I'm having second thoughts about you but I guess that's better than no thoughts at all, goodbye.

Dance cave trip was successful. Got in with my fake, didn't have to buy any drinks because I was already ridiculously drunk. Met a cute boy, made out with him all night long, found out he was 5 years older than me, cool. He was still amazingly cute sooo :)
Took the bus home with Kristyn, Sam, and Paul because everyone ditched us. Listened to some crazy guy sing foreign music on the bus and wanted to murder him and walked in the fog all the way back to residence. Promising night.

matt says:
so are you feeling okay?
helga * says:
yeah
i had a sign
it was crazy
i was leaving work and i put my i pod on shuffle
and i don't need a man by the pussy cat dolls was on
and i was like OH HELLS YEAH

i love my life

:(

So being a third wheel is now a standard part of my life. 2 of my good friends that I live with have boyfriends and here's me, Helga just sitting around wasting time on guys that never text her back. Cool. Worst mood ever. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm sick of the way I look and act. Can I just be someone other than me for a little while, please?

let it out

I liked it better the way things were, when I was the only one.

Back to the same old, same old.

Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

Welcome 2 Mcdonz, what can I get 4 uuuuuu?

me and raj !
one sexy ass mother fucker

I feel too much.
That's what's going on.
Do you think one can feel too much?
Or just feel in the wrong ways?
My insides don't match up with my outsides.
Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?
I don't know. I'm only me.
Maybe that's what a person's personality is:
the difference between the inside and outside.

and it's easy, hard as it looks.

HI here's a big fuck you to everyone in the past few days who has neglected to message me/text me/facebook me back after I've tried to make plans.
Just know no more time will be wasted making plans on my part because obviously spending time with the select few of you is clearly more important to me than it is to you.
BYE!

I made an effort to be more social today at work which worked out quite nicely. I'm so sick of working early in the morning though, SO SICKK. I don't have to work until Wednesday which is good. After work I went shopping at value village for a little bit. I bought boots, j'adore mes bottes.
I do enjoy uploading pictures where I look like I'm in mid sneeze/crying/laughing/screaming/being half retarded and whatnot.

now I can't think no more

The doctor came in the morning, she held my hand
And asked: "Was it worth it? Could it be worse than this?"
Please recall, give me a hint, anything will do
If this was the last time now you should tell us what to do