Just gonna go ahead and let myself get fucked over again because for some odd reason I'm not good enough for anybody.

lol.

ugh

i look gross in every picture i post. hooooolllllllaaaa/ i’m hungover and drunk eating humus in bed.

some guy just left my bed even though i like someone else. this always happens. :(

my tummy is singing me a weird song tummy what do you want from me?

I need to buy vinegar and onions for the soul purpose of mixing them with beans cause I have like 12 cans of beans just sitting in my cupboard. TWELVE. And I want to eat them cause they are delicious.

BEANS.

I've decided that instead of being celibate I'm just going to be much more selective of the boys I choose. Makes life a little easier seeing as I'm 21 and being celibate is way harder than I thought it was going to be.

This weekend I went to go visit my best friend in Ottawa. I had a really fun weekend and I finally got together with his friend who I always thought was really cute. He's so cute and tall and has a big nose wah.

Tomorrow I have my first doctors appointment if you know what I mean. I'm terrified. I hope I'm healthy.

But UGH why can't I get cute boy off my mind? NONONONONONONONONOONO.

The state of mind I'm in right now is scary

but like funny scary.

Today was probably the most stressful day I've had in awhile but I have no one to blame but myself for part of that.

I came here with the intent of writing a long blog but who am I kidding? I'm so tired I feel drunk and I've already written about 3500 words today so...

Anyways I'm so tired I feel drunk and I'm so tired I didn't realize I already wrote that in the last paragraph. Oops. I hate where I live I can't wait to leave. I want to do my internship not in Canada and during the summer but I'm just a wishful thinker. The actuality of me getting a sweet ass internship in somewhere like NYC ain't gonna happen. That doesn't mean I wont try but really? I wouldn't choose me for an internship. Anyways I need to go to bed before...well I don't know actually. Before what?

Hmm.

I wish people that weren't good enough for me would stop having an interest in me. I hate being forced to lower my standards because I'm lonely for a night.
Not doing this anymore is actually something I'm trying hard to work on. Anyone that I'm too good for please stay the fuck away because sometimes I'm not strong enough to say no then regret lowering my standards immediately after.
I don't know if this post makes me sound like a bitch or conceded but all I know is I'm worth waaay more than I allow myself to get.

The heart wants what it wants. It forces us to act when reason dictates otherwise, it tears down walls, breaches boundaries, and for better or worse, it leads us places that the head...would never go.

My body hates me. I wake up every morning wanting to cry. It's stressing me out more than a lot of things.

I'm glad my mom is always there for me.

This is vague but I can't write what is wrong on the internet this time.

I've never

been one to push people out of my life but recently I’ve been doing it a lot. I guess cause those people don’t deserve me in their lives or I’m just a bitch. I don’t know. I don’t really care. Oh well.

Not

going out of my way anymore. Guess I should get my priorities straight everything else>friends. BYEEEEEE

Today has been the longest day

I ended things with someone I should have never started things with in the first place. Sorry you're ALWAYS stoned and I'm NOT cool with that. WHOOOOOOOPS. I'm better than that and always will be. Sorry, life must just be too hard to handle sober...haha NOT.

Went out tonight to the tattoo rock parlor. Best bar ever. Met up with my brother, he seems to be getting his shit together which makes me happy. I'm glad out of all our family members I'm the only one he really cares about. Maybe I shouldn't be happy about that but he's my little bro so I love him anyways.

Tomorrow I'm getting trained for Mccafe. WOW like if you're gonna make me serve up fancy coffee drinks could you at least give me a uniform that doesn't hang off my body?

That's the extent of my update and yes I was serious about being celibate. 1 week and counting hahah such an accomplishment. Wow this is long ok bye.

Celibate Helga is coming out to play (or not to play) once again. Should be interesting to say the least.

I look so fucking ugly today

I feel so fucking ugly today. I don’t want a boy to come near me ever again.

I'm not

ready for anymore disappointments in the near future so instead I’m going to stay home tonight instead of going downtown with my roommates, watch shameless and maybe do some homework.

Everything is getting a little bit better day by day but best believe I wont forget how you all treated me. Best believe.

MA LUV LIFE

1. Picture of yourself? naw b
2. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? I don't know anymore
3. Have you ever been dumped? ye boy
4. What do you most like about making out? biting their lip
5. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? all the time
6. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? depends if i'm drunk or not. if i'm drunk it's usually me
7. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? shoulders, back, eyes
8. Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?david
9. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? yes whooooops
11. Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? i don't think so
12. What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? thinking about that "special someone"
13. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? no
14. Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? i guess
15. Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? i tend to by accident because i get excited...
16. Do you miss your last sweetie? uhh who would that be...? jk he texted me this weekend to hang out. uggg...
17. Last time you slow danced with someone? sooo long ago. someone slow dance with me
18. Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? that's actually the stupidest thing
19. How can I win your heart? be yourself and if I like you then you win
20. What is your astrological sign? aries
21. What were you doing last night at 12 AM? getting drunk
22. Do you cook? nope
23. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? yep
24. If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? i don't think i would have time
25. Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? i prefer to see various people
26. What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? tall
27. Name four things that you wish you had: money, my wallet back, to lose 10 pounds, to have someone to slowdance with
28. Are you a player? yes
29. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? yes
30. Are you a tease? hell yes
31. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? i have friends irl that have tumblr
32. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? yes
33. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? no
34. Hugs or Kisses? kisses
35. Are you too shy to ask someone out? yes
36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes and weight
37. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? yes :)
38. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? yes
39. Do you flirt a lot? when i drink
40. Your last kiss? a boy that none of my friends like jk hahaha fuck yall
41. Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2011? way more
42. Have you kissed anyone in the past month? yes i have
43. If you could kiss anyone who would it be? i'll never tell
44. Do you know who you’ll kiss next? yes
45. Does someone like you currently? i'm not sure actually
46. Do you currently have feelings for anyone? it's hard to say ya know. it's complicated
47. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? flings
48. Ever made out with just a friend? yes :(
49. Are you happier single or in a relationship? single

Hi

I want to be alone for the next week. I don’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone but sadly that is not a realistic option. Keeping my contact with people to a minimum cause basically I’m going to focus on me and take a little bit of time to re assess the relationships I have formed with the people in my life.

In short, fuck you all.

Fall shopping

What I bought yesterday. Was really looking for fall things but it's hard to find anything I like





I wanted to find shoes I liked but they didn't exist.