Finally find a guy that puts up with my constant complaining

lives 1300 km away.

Cool.

People

probably wonder why I act so insane and irrational sometimes

but they don’t know half of the fucking story behind it.

My week

today: boy comes over and pub quiz night/watch smiley face with boy

tomorrow: class, movies

wed: work

thurs: work, pub, time lapse assignment

fri: ryerson homework i guess idk print dat shiit

sat: ryerson class, barrie, party

sun: work

No one will ever be good enough for me
cause no one will ever be you.

Last night

some guy wanted to dance with me and he was hot so instead of dancing with him I just grabbed him and started making out with him.

I love drunk me she is so funny. and awesome. I’m back to my old self I guess haha slut lyfe and I luvvvv it.

Reading Week

Monday: Blue mountain, drunk as all fuck, hot tubs, bar scene, best friends.

Tuesday: Day drunk if I have enough booze, going home, chilling.

Wednesday: Work, clean room.

Thursday: Date, movies, dinner, beers with Chantel and Alex / double date. If all goes well, sexy times.

Friday: Lunch with nono, work.

Saturday: Class, work.

Sunday: Work.

The end of my reading week is so sad :(

funny

how some guy I’m not dating will take the bus all the way from Barrie to have a date with me when my last boyfriend / best friend didn’t take an hour TTC ride to come visit me once during the 3 weeks we dated.

makes ya think.

anyways on that note I am not putting in any effort for any guys anymore. They can come to me, literally.

and our days go by

and i never needed you

"And I never meant to hurt you."

But I guess that's what everyone says.

I always feel so horrible after eating something I know I shouldn’t have. Now I’m just concerned that I wont be able to go on the elliptical tonight because everyone is watching movies in the living room and I don’t want to disturb them. Is it fucked that, that’s what I’m worried about the most right now? Yeah, probably.

need 2 slp

burning out seeeeeeeeee ya. smoothie training tomorrow and that just might be the highlight of my day.

sad.

The past few weeks have been really hard on me emotionally.
and I still want to write so many things about it but I'd rather just tell you than have you read it.
It makes me sad that the next time I see you we wont have seen each other for over a month.
but I guess that's alright because we still aren't ok. I don't know how long it will be before we are ok.
this post sounds stupid so I'm just gonna leave it here on the blog that no one reads.

i'm so fucking weird looking

kill me xoxo

That awkward moment

when the guy you fell asleep making out with last week is sitting across from you in class.

wee.

Always

go for someone who likes you more than you like them.

sure it’s all fun and nice to be completely head over fucking heels for someone

but if it doesn’t end up working out you don’t get your heart broken and go insane.

win win.

that’s what I’m doing from now on.

it's

a nice feeling when you find someone who want to hold you and kiss you and it doesn’t feel like they are doing it as a chore.

go me.

Happy 2 weeks single to me. To celebrate I asked a boy on a date. Da end.

Be strong.
This is what you want, isn't it?

what is it good for?

A: Who do you like and Why? i’m dead inside
B: Have you ever been in love? If yes, how many times, and how do you know it was love? indescribable. basically makes you feel the highest of highs and lowest of lows.
C: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in, and why did it end? dont care
D: Have you ever changed for someone, if yes, how? idk
E: Pretend I’m you ex, what do you want to say to me? we ruined it.
F: Have you ever been cheated on? yes
G: Have you ever cheated? yes
H: Would you date someone who’s know for cheating, if yes why? i dont date bye.
I: What’s the most important part of a relationship? nothing
J: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? nothing
K: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? no
L: How many people have you ever hooked up with? a lot
M: What’s one thing you regret saying or not saying, doing or not doing in a previous relationship? so much. can’t even write it.
N: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? never.
O: Do you believe in the phrase, “Age is just a number?” Why or why not? date whoevr you want
P: What about “Love at first sight”? Why or why not? fuck n chuck mofo.
Q: Turn on’s? tall, skinny, awkward looking, a lot bigger than me, collar bones.
R: Turn off’s? cocky, fat idk just be hot ok?
S: What do you consider a deal breaker? if you are a person
T: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? idk
U: Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, for how long? If no, how long have you been single? 2 weeks single.
V: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? unfortunately no. and that was my biggest mistake.
W: Do you think people should date their friends? no. don’t ever do this unless you want to ruin the friendship forever.
X: How many relationships have you had? 3
Y: Do you think love can last forever? that’s a joke right?
Z: Do you believe love can conquer all things? hahaha idk if this is serious or…
1: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? no
2: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? do not date your best friend
3: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Why or why not? no, no relationships work lol
4: What do you notice first about another person? eyes
5: Do gay, lesbians, bisexuals or transgender people bother you? no

This week in the world of helga

Tuesday: finish my tilt shift lens assignment, class, shoot black on black, movies

Wednesday: work 8-4, celebrate 1 year anniversary of getting mugged and being alive with my roommates

Thursday: finish outstanding ryerson assignments, work overnights

Friday: sleep

Saturday: class, alexander’s confirmation, shooting shelly’s birthday party 7-11 then hit the open bar with her cousin tyler.

Sunday: going to some house party downtown

Da endz. or is it………..

at one time, to be happy, I had to change myself physically. Now to be happy I have to change myself emotionally.

I wonder which one will prove to be harder?

Just because

I’m having a change of heart about my outlook on life doesn’t mean I’m having change of heart about you.

You lie and play games with people and I don’t need that shit in my life.

There are many reasons to be sad but there are also many reasons to be happy
and in the end isn't that all that matters?

I'm trying this new thing where I have a more positive outlook on life and where I'm nicer to people, especially myself.

Because the way I see it, I have so much to be thankful for. So much.

Sure there is a reason I'm sad because I can't have something I want but really, when have I ever actually NEEDED it? Never so I'll just keep on living like the person I was before but maybe this time I'll be a person that is more selfless and happier because of it.

Word of advice

don't tell someone your dirty little secrets then break their heart.
HAHAHA
AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH
AHAH.

Bet you never thought you see me act like this.
Well jokes on you mother fucker
you made me insane.

My inability

to control my emotions is going to lead me to burn a bridge.

I don’t want to but

it’s already well under way.

welp waddaya gonna do about it?

I've heard some retarded fucking lines from guys before

But my all time FAVORITE has to be

“have a little faith in the relationship”

every

guy

is full of

shit.

You aren’t any different.

No one can fill this hole in my heart but me.

and sometimes I even doubt that I can do it alone.
but
I will.

I wish

I wasn’t someone who liked getting revenge.

I think a lot at night about irrelevant things.

Well maybe they aren't so much irrelevant as they are things that should not be taking up space in my brain.

if that makes any sense.

I think about how this time it wont be fixed.

But I'll pretend it is.