If you give a fuck

They say life is hard but you never really believe it until you experience it.
Coming home never made me feel like so much of an outcast, like I don’t belong here anymore, but I don’t belong there either.
I just want to start somewhere new, where no one knows my face, but then again, running from my problems is the cowards way out.
And yes, maybe I am a coward. There are so many things I would like to say to people but I’m scared that this is the end for us and if that is how it’s going to be then I’d rather just have a falling out with no yelling, no screaming, no saying things that are going to make me hate you. Let the cards fall where they may. I’m not strong enough to tell you what I know and how you’ve hurt me.
I’ve had all I can really take from the people I know. I think it’s time to let everyone go, or just let myself go and start not caring about what people say or think.
But no matter where I end up I’m always going to be the same person and all the same problems are going to arise.
I can’t even begin to describe the feeling or betrayal, confusion and sadness I’m feeling right now. It hurts more then anything I’ve ever felt. When so many people are against you, what can you do?
What the fuck can you do but pretend it doesn’t bother you when it’s really all you think about?
I’m trapped here for the next 4 months with these people and I can either make the best of it or get the fuck out.
I’m trying so hard to build myself up and it’s just so easy for people to tear me right down. I don’t know what to do anymore, there’s just so much negativity coming at me all at once and I don’t think I did anything to deserve it. If there was something I did to deserve it I must be much worse of a person then I thought.
I can’t talk to anyone about all of this so I write it, you read it, you can judge it for all it’s worth, or not worth. I don’t expect anything less from anyone anymore.